i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
