I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
