Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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