wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
