Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
