I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
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i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
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Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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