dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
