The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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