cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
she pinky promised me she was 18
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
3pm strippers are depressing
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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