Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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