I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
