Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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