the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
