We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
