He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
