Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
