Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
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