ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
