i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Never joke about your clitoris.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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