dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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