if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
