Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
