whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
