Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Drunk is a universal language darling
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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