mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
