just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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