My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
