There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
