great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Randomize
