i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
