You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
