I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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