Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
