I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
