More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
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it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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