I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
