He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
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Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
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It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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