Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
