Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
