You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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