Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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