I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
