This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
