I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
