No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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