I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
As shirtless as possible
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
