I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
