I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
