plz talk dirty to me
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
