she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
