Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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