Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
