So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
high people should be assigned attendants
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
