I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
