my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
