I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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