I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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