If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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