I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
the raccoons are back...
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