me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
