absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
