dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
