I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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