Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
