We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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