so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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