Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
