this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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