screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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