and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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