Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I could fuck to npr.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
